XD momo so cute. i emailed a "boo" with a "my med's not working" and i got a reply of "*rubs xiang's head*" lol. i didnt even say i got fever! XD XD whee~

got to miss school today cause the stupid flu bug decided to pay me a visit. timely one at that. been feeling the drain since a few weeks back just didnt find myself a good enough excuse for myself to miss school. now i do. =)

it's funny how i drift off to bed mid afternoon thinking about issues and wake up thinking about the same issues once more. like, endless cycle.

sometimes you know you've like tonnes of stuff on hand and on mind yet you know you need to appear like you dont have much because releasing any of the crap would just add on to the burden of people around you. and you know you shouldnt despite counter thoughts such as you-dont-know-how-the-shit-i-feel and stuff like that.

i think my parents should just give my brother a break. it's because of his very presence that my parents shifted their focus to him and off me and thus more breathing space (and i think i still need it). but yet there are times that i just hope they'd jus shoo off his back. i get thoughts of come on, he's only ten. stop freaking out like he's gonna damn his future if he doesnt do well for his mid years and all that more and more frequently nowadays, to the extent that i feel like just screaming it all out when they start on at him.

of course, i know better than to do that cause i'd only get a backlash from them, stating how i've not succeeded in meeting expectations and turn out to be what i am now, statistically proven with the numerous Us throughout the past 16 months or so. so the only thing i can do is to retreat and lock myself up in my room whenever the row begins.

my dad just told me to talk to my bro about school. like, talk-talk. right. and PTM somehow didnt achieve the effect i was looking for. meeting two of my 5 tutors; two being the tutors of my two weakest subjects, yet both of them came home without much to say. i'm screwed up, seriously. oh well.

i swear this is one of the longest entries for the past 2 months.

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one moment i'm thinking about how i'm losing the ability to judge and predict, the next moment i prove myself wrong.

just 2 hours ahead, sitting in daddy's car thinking about how sometimes it might not be fate's fault that we didnt meet who we want to, aka. the right one. the right one probably came in different forms/shapes/sizes/faces/etc. where hints were probably dropped on us to make us open our eyes and see. yet we stubbornly refuse to accept it. either that, or we're just too used to successes that we're trapped in our comfort zones, never setting forth nor daring to take the initiative. and as time slips by, the fine thin thread snaps and there it goes.

then came the floating thought that everything's always so close yet so far. one moment it's really great, you wishing it'd last forever. but some things just dont last if you choose to let it be. the next moment it's disappeared.

2 hours on, here i am surfing, when i chanced upon an entry. a recent one at that, totally turning the tables against me. sets me into thinking mode. which shouldnt really occur at a time as such. gets me grouchy.

it's time that i think less, open my eyes wider, take in whatever's in the spectrum, and thank people for what they're doing for me. not that i dont appreciate them already, but i guess, people need physical/verbal encouragements to feel valued. i'll try.

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oh man. i'm staring at the css2 forum thingy and laughing my ass off. lols. 1direct junior one indirect junior. lols.

didnt know jiajun went to take part. didnt tell me! -_- stupid noobs didnt tell me too~ wth. wonder if they went to support her. yikes. so gonna nagggg her the next time i see her. =s  and i've a feeling it's aft css2. lol~

and why is everyone so surprised a certain someone didnt get in... he's good. but he's not that great. looking cute doesnt double the marks...

lols. i still cant believe this. hahaha~

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quote and unquote..

我曾经以为只要彼此相爱，就没有什麼事情不可能
　　　　　但是爱情她没有这麼伟大......
　　　　　我感激你曾经给过我的一切，可是我不会是你的答案，
　　　　　你应该有一个更清楚的答案了不是吗？....
 　
 来不及，都来不及了，没有为什麼，事情就是会按照他写好的剧本走(谁?)
　　　　　都是这样的，不要再骗自己了，你不会甘心的，你有这麼好的前途
　　　　　我不值得你这样....现实是很现实的，
　　　　　你花了多少的时间好不容易可以走到现在，这是多不容易的事情，
　　　　　你这辈子还剩下多少的时间？
　　　　　我们生命中最美好的时候，已经过去了.....

我们现在真的没有欠对方什麼，我们现在唯一欠对方的，
          就是一句再见... 
          都过去了，一切都过去了。
          我一直没有跟你好好说声再见，
          现在我跟你说：『再见』

a story that was never meant to be started..

   「你真的不给我一个离开的理由？」
   「你不觉得我们现在需要的不是一个理由，而是一个衷心的祝福吗？」 

and it continues....

  「我可不可以问你，这一年多来你到底都去了哪里？」 
  「都过去了，就让它过去吧。」 
  「.... 」 
  「很抱歉，我一直都不够勇敢，所以我们错过了。」

 

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great. supposed to be a great monday but turned out to be pretty terrible.

shant reiterate whatever that was bad. but at least i started off being pretty hyped. but well, school didnt end off too great. oh well. at least i'm in the comfort of my trusty bed and fave blanket+covers now. with my wonderful pillow/huggable cushion thingum =s

wheeee~ now my room is so spacious after all that clearing up

so sleepyyyy

and finally spoke to phyllis after goodness knows how long. she mistook me for ellie/kitty and egg for shawn. (lols. joke of e century =s) phyllis was like "shawn? cannot be what! what the heck would he be doing over there with you now" LOL. yes precisely. no doubt he lives really nearby but still wth man hahas.

oh mannn joke lurrrhhh. i think me and kai nearly whacked egg's head off or sth after the phone call. lols. *cough*insensitive*cough* hahas.

which reminds me. i think egg's like srsly damn good antidote for emo-ness/moodswings/stress/sadness/whatever-you-call-it luh =s practically dragged him out for dinner since i was feeling pissed + sian after h3 and kai was at sch/jun at mep conc/aaron at rehearsal/jaryl at safra (i think?) dont know lah everyone virtually non-existent.

yeah so anyway point is since now i'm like absolutely back to brand new (almost at least) shows a powerful antidote! =s oops sounds like some advert or wtv crap.

ladeedum~

uh oh. past 12. sleeeeeeeepppppp here i come =s

considering what ends-based minded people we are, it's no wonder why things didnt work out.. prevention is better than cure? what "rule-abiding" kids we are...

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great. just got home not too long ago. i've a feeling i'm gonna be really late for school tomorrow. and i've got a freaken headache now. just great. how am i supposed to wake up. thank goodness fri's hol. =s

longgggg dayyyyy. cant believe i spent almost the entire day at city hall area. lunched with my parents at raffles for like goodness knows how many hours. almost got so bored that i went to the billiard room for a game =s *yikes* then popped over to get my bro's books.

and speaking of that wonderful brother of mine, he amazingly forgot he had a fieldtrip to VT to watch some play. and the teacher called up like 15 mins before the start of the show. -_- ended up rushing like nuts. the invention of stilettos didnt make things any easier either >< *ouch*

rushed back home. and in the process goodness knows how my foot got cut. so rushed to change out of heels to flats. *sobs*and i ended up the shortest that night lahhhhhhh T_T *sobs* and then ended up super duper late meeting the rest. AT CITYHALL. srsly gonna get sick of that area man. 12noon-12am minus 2.5hrs travelling back and forth. -.- what a way to spend a day out.

movie-ed out at suntec. intended marina originally. but nothing seemed to fit into our slots. ended up watching hitcher. =s some thriller. the plot srsly doesnt make sense. but the so-called scary parts were all damn sudden. and turns out super gory. *eews* the two guys were laughing at us lah. wth. -_- egg had our photos in his phone. bleaaaahhh. =s

now i know why girls cry when they're angry/sad/scared/agitated. cause it's automatic. =s i mean, wth. i was like, super tensed up yet sobbing at the same time. wth?? thank goodness for waterproof makeup or else by e time we walked out of the theatre at the end, they'll be seeing panda me. =s

bummed around a while after that. didnt know suntec had toys r us. whee! egg was commenting i was like some little girl lah. -_- so evil! just deprived childhood cannot ah. =s

so anyway, went in and grabbed this hammer thingy. was just like swinging around then jaryl was like "1,2,3 whack ok?" and like, suddenly egg got whacked by us with no warning. XD XD XD hahaha. i think jun caught it on cam XD noob egg =s speaking of that noob, he walked in on some couple at the playground la. wth. and said "go get a room" damn loudly. oh goodness. >_<

jun left so early so i ended up stuck there with the two of them. wanted to pool but was super out of the way. =s and heck man, my memory is just so terrific i totally forgot about esplanade. >< bah. nvm at least i had sticky chewy choc XD

and surprisingly, my mum didnt call till until about 11 or so. considering i left hse before dinner even. =s and i think when i shut the door (and they assumed i couldnt hear) daddy kinda stopped her from asking stupid questions (in his context luh) when i got home earlier than expected. =x and without "help" too.

i shall go to bed. 5 hrs before i've to wake up. =s *yikes*

goodness knows how long i can keep this up, and keep it away from them...

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i feel incoherent.

and i always come home with mixed feelings.

and we were discussing what is happiness just now.

not something we'd do in the right frame of mind.

shows how _____ we are. (fill in the blank as deemed appropriate)

 

brought sachiko around town. or rather, just one building.

first time finding town so unappealing.

wait. not unappealing.

just, doesnt seem right.

nothing does.

 

angst.

we say "angst" as in "ants" with the "ng" sound in between.

MOS for TnI calls it "angst" as in "ung" of "hung"

see the generation gap?

 

i've a bible at home i realised.

pink. forever friends. it's pretty new i realised.

or rather, i realised it's still in my house.

wanted to give it away once, but decided it's to gay.

after all, how many 18 year old guys carry a pink bible with them?

lol.

 

anyone knows aristotle's definition of happiness?

 

yay. mommy cooking tang yuan

=))

next fri no school whee!

but i've a feeling i still have sth to do

yet unsure what it will be.

great. where did i leave my brain?

no. wait. what brain?

 

it is, after all, a derived good.

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怎么突然觉得那些字眼真得很讨厌

大概是一直以来都在伪装

伪装变成一种习惯，变得不由自主

就算怎么痛，就算碎成几千几万片都能假装没事

外人都觉得事过境迁，风调雨顺，大家各自分道扬镳

原本也以为自己会这样，却突然发现还是停留在原地，过不了的一关呀..

这样的你，看了也好心疼，你到底在犹豫不决什么

好想过去给你个拥抱，但却知道，若有机会，根本就不再会放手..

若能让时光瞬间回到过去，你还会做出同样的选择吗..

但，我仍然不想知道答案..

 

会对你微笑是因为不想打招呼..

因为知道，一旦开口，什么话都说不出来

不想让你看到我哭的样子

 

会避开你是因为见到你不知道该说什么好

不是没话说，只是有太多话要说，不知从何说起

不想让你看到我愚蠢白吃的样子

 

我到底想要什么...

 

我们, 到底怎么了？

说是朋友，真的是吗？

不能对你坦白，对不起， 但也不想毁掉这份友谊..

 

暧昧，有时候真的是个比较好的选择..

 

我真的真的真的真的很想好好的大哭一场

把心中埋葬许久的一切通通发泄出来

这样，心里大概会好过一点....吧？

 

好累好累.. 想哭但哭不出来..

眼泪泛眶却没力气再哭下去..

痛，也已经变成日常生活的一部分..麻木了...

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-_- everything so wrong today. sian.

w.r.t chem tutorial....

p.cheong (regarding A's chem paper): ... if i'm not wrong it should be that format.

me: what the hell?!

p.cheong: why you so.... vulgar one

me: ..... -_- wth?!

=___________________________________=||||

what the heck then.

la la la.

wait lah. i waited..

wait lah. for what? i dont know too.

wait lah!! but i still am...... waiting..

i'm tired sia.

goodnight.

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lol. gg-ed for h3 econs lah. =x  what the heck is coase theorem. i'm alrdy half blur about game theory and contestibility of markets. let alone whatever theorem. >< pass i'll really laugh my ass off and treat egg crystal jade. =x

speaking of which, egg was super nice =x thankyou leh! called me before h3 and like, yakked on the phone for close to 45 mins i think. =s i was trying to get the thought of the case study test out of my head by keeping myself busy with math tutorial but to no avail. was almost on the verge of screaming at myself when he called. lols. i srsly think he's e only one other than kev who can take my whinings man. =s=s=s yikes

lols. i think aaron's funny. like, funnily stressed. =s he sent me a msg full of jap (like i understand...=s i take krn k!) and like kai was saying sth about needing to cut hair then he went "hello!" -____- *faint* jun and i totally choked laughing lah. lol

and wth. kev actually had the patience to teach my bro how to do fractions. 0-o zomg. i would have like screamed into my pillow or sth under 10 mins. and yet he sat there for like, 40 mins? zomg. pei fu pei fu.

and.

why do guys like 300 so much?! -_- eeks. so gory lah. not that i'm the kind of girl who freaks out easily over blood/watever stuff. but still. it sounds inhuman to stare at slow-mo scenes of people jabbing each other with long swords. lols.

right. "today, i got enlightened by you." right. someone just made me sound like a saint. LAWL. go mug your alkanes ~~

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